


Hold You Through The Night

by ladyofthenorthernlights



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Falling in love at the end of the world, Fluff, M/M, Mild Smut, Past Bryan/Miller, There's barely anything, They talk about Bryan, We're talking super mild here, background Kabby - Freeform, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 21:40:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11299377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofthenorthernlights/pseuds/ladyofthenorthernlights
Summary: “I just wanted to thank you… For saving my life back there.”Nathan opened his mouth to protest, but Jackson cut him off before he could say anything. “That drone would have killed me if you hadn’t pulled me back in time and… You got me to safety. Thank you.”





	Hold You Through The Night

**Author's Note:**

> I had to go back and re-watch so many of the episodes to get all the facts right, and I've probably checked Jackson and Miller's wikis a million times to see if I missed anything. The fic starts after the events of 4x04, and follows them to 4x12.
> 
> It sucks that there isn't a bigger fandom for this pairing because they are amazing together. I really hope they actually end up together in season 5, because they both deserve to be happy!

It’s a very long time since last Nathan had a proper shower. In fact, he’s never actually had a proper shower. Nothing like this anyway. On the Ark, showers were few and far between, and very public. You usually only had a minute or so of lukewarm water to try to get yourself clean before it was turned off and you had to go dry up. On the island though, the shower was more complicated than many of the control panels he’d seen on the Ark. With a touch-pad regulating heat and pressure, Nathan spent almost half an hour trying out the different settings. The water felt amazing, and his muscles relaxed for the first time in forever under the warm spray. Looking down though, he could see that the water turned a murky brown as it rolled off his skin. He hadn’t really realised how filthy he must have been before he’d stepped into the mansion.

There were fresh clothes in the closet of the bedroom he had chosen, and he found a simple black sweater and dark jeans that fit him well enough. Walking barefoot around the room, he tried to imagine what life must have been like before the bombs. How simple luxuries like a proper shower must have been taken for granted. How the floor was covered with a carpet that tickled his toes when he stepped on it. He couldn’t recall any of the rooms on the Ark having carpets.

The bed looked more inviting than anything he’d ever seen in his whole life, and so he flopped down on it unceremoniously. His body sunk into the soft mattress, and for a moment it felt like he was floating on a cloud. He’d never even heard of a bed this soft before. It was piled with pillows and blankets that smelled clean. Nathan turned to lie on his side, tugging a pillow under his head.

He must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew was the sound of someone clearing their throat. He opened his eyes and saw Jackson standing by the door. A quick glance told Nathan that not only had he showered, but he had changed as well. Sitting up, Nathan bit his lower lip as his eyes found the bandage on Jackson’s left arm. Jackson seemed to notice this, because he lifted his other hand and touched the bandage with a sheepish smile.

“I, uhm,” Jackson said, glancing at the floor. “I just wanted to thank you… For saving my life back there.”

Nathan opened his mouth to protest, but Jackson cut him off before he could say anything. “That drone would have killed me if you hadn’t pulled me back in time and… You got me to safety. Thank you.”

Nathan sighed. “If I’d been quicker you wouldn’t have been hit at all,” he mumbled, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and sitting on the edge. “I’m sorry too. If I hadn’t been so distracted with…”

He cut himself off before he could think of Bryan. He’d gone on this mission to get away from his now ex-boyfriend, but the distance didn’t really help.  

Jackson took a hesitant step into the bedroom, and Nathan could feel eyes studying him.

“You still saved my life,” the other man pointed out. “That’s what matters.” He seemed to hesitate, as if he wanted to say something else. Their eyes met, and Nathan could see the slightest hint of pain in Jackson’s brown eyes. Assuming it was from the wound, he didn’t think more of it.

They studied each other for a moment, taking each other in for the first time. They had been in the same room before, yes, but this was probably their first real conversation. They hadn’t known each other on the Ark, and when Jackson had first come down to Earth, Nathan had been trapped in Mount Weather. And he could also recall Jackson being one of those influenced by ALIE’s chip, while he himself had never been to the City of Light.  They never really had the chance to get to know each other. At least not until now.

Nathan was about to open his mouth and say something when Jackson spoke. “We should get back to the lab soon,” he said, glancing over his shoulder. “Abby and the others already left.”

“Oh,” Nathan said, a bit surprised. “Wait, how long is it since we got here?”

“Two hours,” Jackson shrugged, the hint of a smile showing on his lips. “You were fast asleep when I found you.”

“Right,” Nathan said, rubbing his beard absently. Then he paused, giving Jackson a puzzled look. “You stayed behind?”

Jackson licked his lips. “I… Yeah.”

“Why? You could have just sent Murphy to drag me out of bed.”

“I wanted to thank you,” he said again, sounding a bit hesitant. “I was absolutely terrified back there… Abby usually makes me stay behind to look after things in her place, so this was one of the first times I’ve been in something resembling combat. I mean, I was in the tunnels when we were trying to break into Mount Weather, but-“

“You were in Mount Weather?” Nathan asked surprised. His stomach twisted unpleasantly at the memories that suddenly flooded his mind, but he could not recall seeing Jackson there.

“Well, yes,” Jackson replied. “In the tunnels at least. We tried getting in, but the door was locked. And then they sounded the retreat, and, well…”

Nathan nodded. “It’s probably a good thing you didn’t make it inside,” he said. “They would have caught you and put you in that chamber with us.”

“Abby told me what happened,” Jackson said quietly. “They didn’t… On you..?”

Nathan shook his head. “No… Well, they took some of my blood, but nothing else.”

Jackson nodded slowly. There was a pause between them, and they both seemed to be looking for the right words. Again, Jackson was the first to speak up.

“Well, as I was saying… I’ve never really been in any sort of combat before, and I was terrified. I was practically clinging to Abby, but when you told her to go with Murphy and Emori, and that I was to go with you…” He looked away again, and Nathan was surprised to see the hint of a blush on his face. “I don’t know, I felt safe. And I…”

He laughed, almost bashfully, and Nathan could feel something stir inside his chest as Jackson licked his lips. Their eyes met once again.

“I feel safe around you, Miller. I don’t know why, but I do. Probably because you saved my life, but I felt safe around you even before then. And I didn’t want to go out there without you.”

Nathan just stared at him, his mind trying to process the words. Jackson felt safe around him? The very thought made his face split into a smug grin.

“You waited for me because you were scared to leave without me?”

“Oh shut up,” Jackson huffed, looking a tad flustered. “I didn’t say that.”

“You kinda did,” Nathan teased. “That’s actually pretty adorable.”

“It’s completely reasonable,” Jackson protested. “It’s getting dark and I don’t know the way. And what if there’s something else out there, some defence mechanisms we don’t know about. I don’t have a gun, and even if I had one I have no idea how to shoot one.”

Nathan just looked at him in amusement. “So you want to have a big, strong guard with you to protect you in the dark?”

“Stop bending my words,” Jackson said, but this time there was a hint of laughter in his voice. “I just don’t want to stumble into a trap. Abby needs me to help on the Nightblood solution.”

“Excuses,” Nathan snickered. “If you want my protection so badly, why don’t you stay here? As you said, it’s getting late. Abby won’t need you just yet.”

 

 

 

An hour later, they were both lying on the bed, talking about their lives. Jackson told about his mother’s death, and how Abby was pretty much the only family he had left, and Nathan talked about his father, telling how his mother had died when he was very young, and that he barely remembered her. They talked about life back on the Ark. Jackson was actually just a couple of years older than Nathan, and already a skilled doctor. Nathan on the other had had spent six months in the Sky Box, and lost his chances of becoming a guard on the Ark.

“But you’re a guard now,” Jackson pointed out.

“Well yeah, all our crimes were forgiven and all that,” Nathan hummed. “Besides, having your dad in the high ranks kinda helps.”

There was a comfortable silence between them for a moment, and Nathan realised he could easily fall asleep next to Jackson. He was a pretty attractive man, with high cheekbones and very kissable lips.

“You have a boyfriend, right?” Jackson asked, breaking the silence.

Nathan closed his eyes, hands going up to rub his face tiredly. “Not anymore.”

“Oh,” Jackson said, a bit hesitantly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I’ve seen you around with him, and you seemed like one of those inseparable couples.”

“Well, we obviously weren’t,” Nathan sighed. “We grew apart. The ground changed both of us, and the people we became didn’t really fit together anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” Jackson said quietly.

“So am I.”

Nathan shifted to his side to get a better look at him. “But enough about my love life, how about you?”

Jackson laughed. “I’m married to my work,” he said, then added “It’s not like I don’t want a relationship, I just… Haven’t met the right person I suppose.”

“So what are you looking for then?”

Jackson bit his lip, looking down on his hands, as if trying to make up his mind about something he’d been thinking about for a long time. His breathing was shallow, almost shaky, and Nathan realised he was nervous. Before he had the time to ask, Jackson leaned in and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to his lips.

His first instinct should have been to jerk away, but instead he laid there, frozen, heart threatening to leap out of his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Jackson hurried to say as he pulled back. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

Nathan broke him off by kissing him back, pushing him onto his back, making him part his lips. Rough hands cupped Jackson’s smooth face, fingers brushing the skin as their lips moved together, tasting, exploring. Tongues met, and soon they were both panting into the kiss. Jackson had wrapped his arms around Nathan, pulling him down to deepen the kiss, almost desperate for the affection.

They broke apart, gasping for much needed air.

“Miller,” Jackson said, looking up at him. “You don’t have to-“

“Just shut up and kiss me,” Nathan replied, leaning back down.

He didn’t realise how much he’d wanted this up until now. Not until he had Jackson in his arms, kissing him like there was no tomorrow. His hands were exploring down Jackson’s chest, tugging at the fabric of the t-shirt he was wearing, fingers dipping under the hem to feel the smooth skin. Breaking the kiss, Nathan sat up and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it onto the floor. He pulled Jackson up into a sitting position as well, helping him to get rid of the t-shirt, careful not to mess up the bandage. They were both half-naked now, and wasted no time in exploring each other with hands and lips.

Jackson was warm and inviting, and he made the sweetest little gasps when Nathan kissed his neck just right. His body arched when Nathan touched him, practically begging him for more. Nathan did not need to be asked twice.

 

 

After, they curled up under the covers, Jackson resting his head on Nathan’s chest. Their legs were tangled together, and the guard was absently caressing the doctor’s hand with his fingertips. No one had come looking for then yet, but it was only a matter of time before someone would come and interrupt them.

“I want to stay like this forever,” Jackson said quietly, tilting his head back to look at Nathan. Their lips met in a soft, tender kiss that lasted for a few moments.

“You know we can’t,” Nathan replied after a moment of silence. “If we do, who’s gonna save the world?”

“Abby,” Jackson suggested. “Clarke. Raven. They don’t need me.”

“Of course they need you,” Nathan huffed. “Jackson, you’re brilliant. And they’re gonna need you to crack the Nightblood solution, and every other problem we’ll most likely encounter.”

“Eric.”

“What?” Nathan asked, furrowing his brow.

“My name. It’s Eric. Eric Jackson.”

“Well of course it is,” Nathan chuckled. “I knew that.”

“I’m sure you did,” Jackson replied, clearly amused.

“Well if we’re gonna play that game, my name is Nathan Miller. But you can call me Nate.”

They laughed together then, and for a moment, they allowed themselves to forget about the end of the world. Of course, they were soon yanked back into reality by the sound of John Murphy’s voice from the door where he was leaning, a smug grin on his face.

“There you are,” Murphy said, eyes taking in the scene before him with much amusement.

Nathan pulled the covers up higher, and he could feel Jackson turn his face, laughing embarrassed against his chest.

“I’m not judging,” Murphy continued, clearly far too pleased with himself. “But Dr Griffin really needs Jackson down at the lab, so if you’re done with him Miller…”

“Piss off Murphy,” Nathan huffed, and Murphy lifted up his hands defensively.

“Just… Get down to the lab when you’re done, alright?”

He turned and left, and Nathan bit back a groan. Jackson was still laughing, his face flushed red from embarrassment. “We should probably get going.”

“What happened to staying here forever?” Nathan hummed, tilting Jackson’s head up to get a better look at him. “Damn you look gorgeous right now.”

Jackson only laughed and leaned in to kiss him deeply. “Now we can go,” he said as he pulled back, smiling almost shyly at the guard.

“Oh yeah, definitely gorgeous,” Nathan hummed, leaning in to kiss him again.

 

*

 

 

“You’re not going to space, are you?”

Nathan can just make out the gorgeous face of Eric Jackson in the dark of their bedroom. They’re both still awake, but pretending to be asleep, too exhausted after the events of the day. Raven had found a rocket shortly after realising that Nightblood could only be created in a Zero-G environment, aka not on earth. They were waiting for the fuel now, and once they had it, the rocket would go up with a select few to save mankind from certain destruction. He hadn’t asked before because he didn’t want to know. The thought of Eric risking his life in space made his stomach twist unpleasantly, so he closed his eyes and waited for the answer, his heart hammering in his chest.

They had grown close in the week they had spent on the island. Eric would spend his days helping Raven and Dr Griffin, and Nathan would just wander around, looking for things to do. He’d wandered around in the woods, finding various remains of Becca’s research, such as old structures. There were several radio towers, a bunker he figured was the one Murphy had been locked up in, and an old lighthouse. The beach was also riddled with shipwrecks and scrap metal, and he remembered the story of how Murphy had first gotten here with Jaha. The very thought of a sea-serpent had him turning and walking back up to the mansion again. He had told Eric about this later, but his new boyfriend (assuming that’s what they were at this point) had seemed sceptical, saying that such creatures should not exist.

The man beside him finally shifted, and Nathan could feel Eric’s eyes on him. Opening his own, he met that dark brown gaze. It was hard to make out any emotion his eyes might show in the dim light, and so he had to brace himself for whatever reply he would receive. And after what seemed like an eternity, Eric finally did reply.

“If I was, don’t you think I would have told you by now?”

Nathan bit his lip. “I don’t know. You could choose to wait for the right moment to tell me that you’re leaving me to risk your life on a hundred year old rocket.”

 If he couldn’t quite see it, he could definitely feel Eric’s smile.

“Me? Leave you? Seems unlikely. I mean, if we are going to die, I want to do it in your arms.”

“How poetic,” Nathan replied with a roll of his eyes. “Just tell me you’re not going.”

Eric shifted closer to him, his slender hands cupping Nathan’s face. He had the hands of a doctor, his fingers long and clever, and relatively soft compared to the roughness of Nathan’s own palms. Right now, those fingers were brushing over his beard in a comforting fashion, soothing his fears.

“I’m not going,” Eric said softly. “The rocket is only a two-seater, and Abby is far more qualified than me. And I doubt Raven would let anyone else than herself drive. So no, I’ll be staying right here with you.”

Nathan relaxed, feeling a heavy burden lifted from his shoulders. He rested their foreheads together, pulling Eric into his arms. “I get to keep you a little longer then.”

“I’m all yours,” Eric murmured as he leaned in and closed the distance between their lips.

 

*

 

They didn’t go to space. And maybe that was just as well. Losing the barrel of fuel terminated their only chance of creating Nightblood in space. But it also opened up the need for another path that Nathan just could not stand around and witness. A path of pure desperation that he had seen once before, and the memories still haunted him at night. A path that made it hard for him to look Eric in the eyes when he showed up in their room, with the news that their new grounder friend had been injected with Luna’s bone marrow.

But it was late, and they were both tired. And so they spent their first night in the same bed without touching.

In the morning, he joined Eric down to the lab. Not because he wanted to, but because he knew that Eric would need him to be there. He was silent, not speaking more than one word sentences, or answering questions with a nod or a shake of his head. On the outside, he was passive and cold, no signs of emotion on his face. But on the inside, he was burning. He was burning because he finally understood the desperation of the Mountain Men. He was burning, because he had seen friends die getting their bone marrow drilled out. He had heard their screams. Seen their faces. Seen the fear and pain in their eyes. And now he would stand on the other side, watching a complete stranger getting burned alive in a radiation chamber.

Because that’s what happened.

He had watched Eric turn up that wheel of death. His eyes had not been on the grounder in the chamber, but on Eric, whose eyes were filled with fear and pain, whose voice had trembled as he updated Abby on the procedure. Only when the grounder started screaming had he looked away from the man he had come to love. He watched as their victim drowned in his own, black blood, as his skin was burned and blistered by the radiation. Again, he remembered the Mountain Men. The hundreds of people who had died the same way. Men, women and children, old and young, guilty or innocent. They had all died that same, horrifying death. And for what? To give a few more months to people who were doomed anyway.

 

 

 

“I killed him.”

Eric was sobbing against Nathan’s shoulder, his whole body trembling with fear and guilt. He’d broken down only moments after the grounder’s death, and Nathan had been quick to take him away from the horror. He’d found a supply closet of sorts, just big enough to fit them both, and with a door that closed.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

He meant it to sound soothing, but they both knew it was a lie. Nathan held him tighter then, willing him to stop shaking. They just sat there for a moment, clinging to each other. Outside, they could hear the others moving around. Removing the body most likely. Nathan wondered if they would even bother burying it.

“I’ve never…. I’ve never killed someone before.”

Eric’s voice was trembling, and he pulled back to meet Nathan’s eyes, and he could see that they were filled with the ghosts of his past. It wasn’t the first time Eric had watched someone die, but it was the first time he was the direct cause of it.

“I have,” Nathan replied, his gaze hardening. “It’s all I’ve done since we came down here. I’ve killed more grounders than I can count. They attacked the dropship, and I killed them without second thought. I’ve killed Mountain Men. They came for us once every hour, taking someone with them every time. So I killed them. And in Polis….”

He paused, recalling the most terrifying fight of his life. Because in that fight, he couldn’t kill anyone. In that fight…

“You were there,” he said, tears filling his eyes. “You were one of them. And every last instinct in my body told me to kill you. All of you.”

“Nathan,” Eric murmured, cupping his face in his hands. “You didn’t. You could have, but you didn’t.”

“I electrocuted you,” Nathan replied, turning his head away.

“You defended yourself,” Eric insisted. “You were defending Clarke, and Abby and Bryan-“

“Don’t. Don’t talk about him.”

Eric nodded slowly, resting their foreheads gently together. “You were defending my family when I couldn’t. When I came back in control, Abby had a gun on me.”

“I know,” Nathan murmured. “I saw.”

They were silent for a moment, muted by the heavy memories. It hadn’t been easy, getting to where they were now. They had fought for their right to live, and this time was no different, really.

“You’re not a murderer,” Nathan finally said. “It wasn’t your fault he died. There must have been something else. A fluke or something you overlooked.”

Eric opened his mouth to protest, but Nathan cut him off. “You’re the brilliant Doctor Eric Jackson. If anyone can figure out what went wrong, it’s you.”

“But that doesn’t change the fact that I killed someone,” Eric sighed.

Nathan shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. And you have to bear that knowledge for the rest of your life, however long or short it might be. But if it is any consolation, I’ll be here to help you bear it.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

 

*

 

 

In the end, it was the Second Dawn bunker that saved them. One hundred of them. After the Final Conclave, Octavia decided to share the bunker between all the clans, condemning thousands of people to die. And giving twelve hundred the opportunity to live.

There was a lottery to determine their fates. A lottery where a hundred names were to be drawn from a bowl, and those who were not picked would have to leave to die.

Nathan had been anxious as he stood there, between his father and lover, waiting to hear two names. Waiting for the two only names that mattered to him in this world.

“Eric Jackson.”

Kane was only on the seventh slip of paper when he read the name. It rung loud and clear between the walls of the bunker, filling Nathan with hope. He felt a hand slide into his own, and he held onto it, squeezing it as he turned his head to look at Eric. His boyfriend returned the squeeze, offering him a reassuring smile. At least he was safe. At least one of his loved ones was safe.

“Nate Miller.”

After what felt like an eternity, Kane read his name. And he was torn between crying from relief, and screaming in protest. He found his way into Eric’s arms and stayed there, holding him. He felt Eric’s hand at the back of his head, felt his warmth. Tears filled his eyes, and he buried his face in Eric’s shoulder, murmuring quietly to him.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Eric replied, and they held each other for a moment.

 

Pulling away, he wiped his tears and gave Eric an apologetic smile before turning to his father. David Miller was looking at his son with all the love and pride in the world, then glanced over his shoulder where Eric was standing, a worried look on his face. David gave him a reassuring look before turning his attention back on his son.

Wiping his nose, Nathan met his father’s eyes, his voice a raw whisper. “I’m not leaving. If your name’s not picked I’m not going dad.”

“Hey, hey. It’s gonna be wonderful Nate,” David said, pulling his son into a hug. “You’re gonna rebuild the world.”

“Not without you, dad,” Nathan whispered, tears streaming down his face. “I can’t.”

“Yes you can,” David replied. “You’ve grown so strong, Nate. The new world needs you.”

And for that moment, Nathan was a child again, crying in his father’s arms.

 

 

 

When he awoke, Eric was at his side, holding his hand. His head was pounding painfully, and his vision was blurry. Blinking a few times, he could make out that they were still in the bunker, lying where they had collapsed. He remembered clinging to his father as the people revolted, looking frantically for Eric. Then, the red smoke had filled the chamber and everything went black.

“Hey,” Eric said quietly, a sad smile on his face. He wrapped both his hands around Nathan’s, and brought it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles.

“Eric… Where’s dad?”

The pain on Eric’s face was all the answer he needed, and Nathan jerked up, looking frantically around. He saw familiar faces, strangers, people he’d only glimpsed every now and then. He saw Abby and Kane huddled in a corner, he saw Jaha with a child in his arms. He saw everyone except his father.

A broken sob left his lips, and then Eric was holding him, murmuring quiet apologies in his ear, stroking the back of his head. He cried, because he’d lost everyone. His friends never made it back to the bunker, and he had no idea if they were alive and dead. His father was gone, and he would never see him again. He was all alone now. Except for Eric.

“I held my mother as she died,” Eric murmured quietly, attempting to distract Nathan, if only for a moment. “She was sick and there was nothing I could do to help her. I was nine. My father died before I was born, so I never knew him. She was all that I had left in this world. And I couldn’t save her. So I became a doctor.”

He paused to smile, and Nathan could see his eyes light up as they did on the rarest of occasions.

“I’ve lost everyone too. Well, almost,” Eric said, glancing over to Kane and Abby, then back at Nathan. “You’re my family now. And we will get through this.”

“Is that a promise?”

Eric Jackson smiled, and leaned in to press the softest of kisses to Nathan Miller’s lips.

“I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm most likely writing another one soon that will be a kind of follow-up to this one, but can also be read completely separately. Like I said at the beginning, I had to re-watch so much and do so much research, and to be honest I'm puzzled that it took almost four and a half seasons for these two to actually get a connection!
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading! There might be some spelling mistakes even though I've proof-read it twice, so sorry about that. It's well over a year since I last wrote an actual fic, so it was both nice and challenging to get back at it.
> 
> My tumblr is bunker-boyfriends btw, feel free to hit me up if you wanna rant about mackson :D


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